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encuentra amor
en ti
en todo lo que nadie puede ver
como tu

encuentra amor
donde creas que los as perdido
encuentra amor

sin pedir
sin esperar
solo vive
y deja vivir

respira lento
cuenta los segundos del latido de tu corazón
sigues con vida
enttonces ama
tu ser
lo que te rodea
ama
con intensidad
mas no con obsession
ni confusion
a,a libre
con ternura
con respeto
con timidez
y profundidad

encuentra
amor
en ti
limpio
claro
como el rió

deja que fluya
lo que es para ti

siempre encuentra su forma de ser
y lo que no
se va 
así como llego
 busca amor
no rencor
busca aventura en tu propia creación
escribe en tinta de colores 
que no se pueda borrar
tu historia

hello good bye

in a dream
i think i saw you
many times
in a dream
for so many years
i revived you
in my dreams
we lived it all

day dreamin
past that spot
where you seemed so tall
unatainable
perfet
like a movie star

it was real you helod me tight
then i stared
anout to kiss  you
in the dark
in the cold
then it was gone

my how many years have gone by

now here you are
al mine
for a tiny second
you looked at me
and i existed
for the moment
with your breath in my face
you were mine

in that breath taking moment
we stepped back
and picked up
right were we left off
at the begining
of the end

here we are
in the most desirable kiss
so awaited kiss
here we are
living

i wonder the thoughts as you make me yours
i wonder the feelings
as you let me exhale it all

i wonder
is this a dream
one more dream
or is this a simple hello
and goodbye

viuda negra

las caras de las personas
con miradas perdias
y voces llenas de mentiras
sonrisas dulces 
te invintan a confiar
a pensar que sus odios guardan secretos
que sus coraoznes
dicen verdades
personas
vestidas de seres humanos imperfectos
llenos de virtudes
pero de miles errores
fallaste
es de humanos
buscar sasiar su deseo
sin detenerse a pensar
las consecuanecias
personas
si
que buscan su propio interes
y se disfrasan de tiernas amistades
se disfrasan de noblesa
de gente que ayuda
sin esperar nada acambio 
cuando en realida
tejen un abismo
semejante
al gran arte de la 
telaraña de una viuda negra

White Not B

let it snow
let the flakes cover me cold
feel the shiver in my soul
where are you
there is a whisper
picked up the phone
silence spoke
where are you
this empty thought in my mind
white

its cold
there is no writing being done
where are you
in the Dark

how much longer
will we stand
out of the  spotlight
how much longer do we hang on
by this slimming thread

where are you
letting go
moving on
remaking what you thought was broken
where are you
lost
in the snow
its cold out there
why don't you just find your way back 
to this warm heart
 of mine

where are you
did you slip
on the empty shells of snails

where are you
is it gone
do i read in between the spider webs
where are the bat signals
are they all broken

must of been the blistering snow
ripped it all a part

let it snow
its going to be complete
white
just White

Happy BIrthday

Saw your face today
You were smiling
My how many years have passed on you
Tears were stopped by my heart throbbing
The traffic pushed me
I drove away

What a day
I wonder
how can you forget
Today
You gave me life
Dis you remember
Were you smiling for me

I did not shed a tear
I was strong
I whispered I love you
let you walk away

35 paper bags
35 strangers smiles
35 thank yous 35 wishes

It was  great day
I had them
Next to me
all of  a sudden
it made sense

She smiled at me
She held my hand
SHE mine
He held me and kissed me
IN the morning
He
smiled and Said  I love you

these are the best presents of the day
When those I love YOus
are followed by

MOM

mom I saw you today
thank you

I love you

I saw those pretty eyes
that stared at me
hidden slowly like tiny snails

Happy Birthday to me
Happy birthday

Bring it on
35
Ready to be the very best of Esmy!!

LOVE

LOVE
RADIATING
THROUGH THOSE EYES
FRAGILE
DON'T BREAK MY PRECIOUS 
DON'T BREAK MY DEAR
HOLD ME TIGHT 
HOLD ON ME WHEN EVERYTHING ELSE FAILS
BECAUSE I MY DEAR
MY BABY
MY PRECIOUS JEWEL
I MY DEAREST LITTLE ONE
I ADORE YOU
I ADORE YOU MY BELOVED 
MAGICAL MANIFESTATION OF LOVE

LOVE
MY DEAR LITTLE ONE
LOVE LIKE YOUR VERY LAST BREATH DEPENDED ON 
LOVE MY PRECIOUS BECAUSE LOVE WILL KEEP YOU ALIVE
DREAM DREAM BIG
AND RUN
RUN WITH PASSION TO THOSE DREAMS
LIVE THEM
COMPLETELY IN LOVE

LOVE MY DEAR LOVE OF MINE
LISTE WITH YOUR HEART 
AND FOLLOW ALWAYS 
THOSE WHISPERS INSIDE
LOOK INTO THOSE AMAZING EYE
SEE THEM CLEAR AS WATER
LOOK INSIDE
AND KNOW

THE BEAUTY THAT REFLECTS 
IS ALL MESMERIZING TRUE
ITS YOU 
ONLY YOU
ALWAYS YOU
THE ONLY AND ONLY
TRUTH

HOLD ON MY LOVE
WITH LOVE
ALWAYS

Aqui

A distancia
se ve todo different
a distancia se sueña mas
se extraña mas
se necesita mas

aquí a mi lado
nada es como a la distancia
hay volcanes sin erupción
y huracanes con mayor destrucción

aquí por esta puerta
no pasan
presidentes
actores
ninguna celebridad

en esta mesa se an sentado totalmente extraños
a ti
humanos
con caretas
y humanos con passion
humanos que juegan a ser terrenales normales
con humildad y compasión
aquí se a servido vinos
muy caros
con sabor a mentiras
y vinos muy delicados
con savor a delicadeza
sutil aroma
y dulce sabor

A esta distancia se puede separar
lo real
con lo artificial
a qui
a la distancia
se respira tanta libertad

infiel

se le pierde la mirada
y cuando pregunta donde esta
solo responde
todo bien

se la pasa sonando 
con los ojos abiertos
pegados al teléfono


se esconde para a ser llamadas
a personas
que no tienen nombre
números equivocados

pide mas 
sin poder dar
pide 
un poco mas de tiempo
guardar silencio

se esconde
para poder amar

y frente a todos
solo hay amistad

cuando en realidad todo el mundo sabe

infiel a su libertad
infiel a su pensar
infiel a su amor
infiel a su piel

es un infiel 
a sus propios suenos
a su propios deseos

prefiere la soledad
prefiere olvidar
prefiere no estar

ausentarse 
para no tener que dejar
a nadie
en el dolor de la infidelidad

que valor
de no saber
como
decidir
entre un amor
y un dolor


ahogarse en dos caras
a ser mentiras 
que revuelcan con escala

encerrarse 
en cuatro paredes
conformarse 
sabanas blancas
mill caricias
cosas de amantes pero nada mas

writers block

peek a boo
Writers block
There are days 
where the words just do not know what to say
the words get stuck in nothingness

The hours just keep rolling
the moon visits rapidly constant
but nothing more 
an empty canvas

there are no paintings 
not magic
no nothing to dream
white
or black
no shaded area
simply the silence
the mind at peace with emptiness
no song linger
no memories revived
just is 
on that solid rock
simply is

a writers block 

colecciona

colecciona
canciones
flores
poemas
libros
y un montón de suenos rotos


colecciona
nombres
y se le olvidan los apellidos

colecciona
miradas
lagrimas y esperanzas

colecciona
palabras
escritas
y promesas rotas

colecciona
sabanas blancas
y besos falsos

caricias frías
y deseos a medio morir

colecciona
trocitos de su alma
hilos de color
para intentar cocer
los lacitos de un tal vez

colecciona
mas nunca
guarda
nunca encierra
nunca almasena

nunca se queda con
algo
solo
para ella
solo de ella

colecciona
soledad
 intimidad
sabiduría

colecciona
recuerdos
y granos de arena de un mar
que nunca  tendrá

parallel lines

how many hellos
how many goodbyes
how many smiles un returned

the steps
slow down
the sight grows smaller
and cold gets colder

nights shimmer
days glow
and trees dance with the wind

they will mimic
the dance of the ocean waves
they will sing the song of the sea

hellos
goodbyes
and silent maybes

the clouds kiss the mountains
sometimes
but they never stay forever
they have skies of blue to hold

the moon visits sometimes during the day
right before the sun really starts to show
but they never really meet

how many strangers
pass each other every second of the day
carrying different life stories that some will never hear
how many paths have crossed
how many have stepped
on the same spot
how many
how many

exhale
in hale
same
air

thousands of miles they travel
those sighs
thousands

so close
you see
so close
yet so far
far enough
close enough
yet like
parallel lines

when never
will they meet

There all this time

There comes a time
when
distance is bliss
I have grown to love the sound of my silence
the sound of my own voice

sometimes
i feel
such thing called fear
of the empty room
of the empty echo when i breath

i feel fear because
i have grown to love it
the presence of my self
with me

there was a time where all that mattered
was that one voyage
to find
that fairy tale
the roads traveled
the errors written in pen

the nights of endless tears
those faces
fake i love yous
those trials and errors
 perhaps
no I loves yous
were really not that fake

but they were defiantly not the real I love you for ever
no matter what
like the stars keep
glowing every time
we kissed
like in the movies

perhaps
there it was
there it has been
but in the mist of all the wanting
an idea
of a fairy tale
being so busy seeking
a made up story
i failed to realize
it was standing there
all this time
and perhaps now its gone
and its to late

this is me
holding dear
in my heart
what I now believe
it was
love

have lived it
felt it
held it

it was there
and i did feel every thunder of it
it shook me like they say in books
it was ever so mesmerizing

but life does not ever stop
even when it does
and I'm here now
learning how to love
the number one
me

The mind of a writer

I wonder if everyone understands it
the mind of a writer
that no one can tap into the 
 why
or the how
the words just flow

the mind of a writer
feeds from the soul
not just the mind
its not words we wish to say that we cant
its a story that the soul weaves

gently
it does not come from
life we lived 
it does not come from the past
or the present
it comes just simply by the love of the small things 
not everyone sees

this life has speed up 
by gadgets
and streams
of internet
social media
so 
everyone forgets to see
the beauty
of people's eyes
they forget to look up from the screens

 the writers minds
feed and write
from the unseen
the forgotten
the free
they write because 
they paint pictures
so perfect

 
that the lenses of the phones
cant catch
selfies so bright
that cannot be filtered to post

the writer is always busy
not missing
the small details
other forget to feel
to see
to touch

the writer
the mind
is ongoing 
not day dreaming
just feeling
not making up
just seeing
not sleeping 
just working

the mind of the writer
is deep and intense
its not sick or depressed
it is a live
in a world 
oblivious
to most

the mind of a writer
is condemn and teased
and hurt
by the norm 
everyone pretends to know

nothing fits perfectly
when you are a writer
you have no filter
to distinguish
who really is right or wrong
we feel intensely
we give freely
and we love deeply

this is the mind of a writer

MAGNIFICENT!!!!!

carta sin enviar

Alguna vez le as escrito una carta al asado
Que le dijiste
que le dirías

alguna vez
le as hablado al corazón
de lo que no le dices a nadie mas
de esos recuerdos que guardas como
joyas caras
donde nadie puede robarlas

le pedirías al pasado que  caminara contigo de nuevo

le recordarías
sentimientos jamas otra vez sentido
el pasado
le dirías que lo buscas en cada extraño que pasa a tu lado
que huyes de lo nuevo por que
en secreto
pides que se vuelva presente
de nuevo
le dirías?
 que las sonrisas del presente no son lo que esperas
por que sigues
comparándolas con
el pasado
Que le dirías




Yo, yooo !!!
 no le escribiría
no le escribo
a mi pasado
por que no quiero decirle...

que me regalo un momento muy feliz
que me dolía la cara de tanto sonreír

no quiero decirle
que de eso vivo
de todos los senderos que eh formado
de pequeños recuerdos inolvidables

por que si le escribo
si le escribiera
a mi pasado
 tendría
que explicarle
el por que es pasado y no presente
por que
en tato queme dio

también prove el dolor
como nunca
me tumbo por días
por meses
en un llanto inmenso
que me embriagada
que me llevo a un mundo muy lejos
que sentí que jamas volvería


le pediría
un nuevo día para regresar
solo por unos segundos
en este presente
donde
soy diferente
gracias
a esas palabras sentidas en la mas profundo de
mi espalda como
puñalada de decepción

para mirar
a los ojos
y ver el presente
y entender
el por que
no fue
y decir al fin adios
por que este presente
no es nada
igual a ese pasado

se fue
y todo sigue
y se acomoda
para ser mejor o peor version
le pediría poder ver
si es mejor
o peor version

solo para mi yo
mi yo
que de repente
alucina
con
un cuanto de Adas
que invente algún día
con la poesía
de millones de canciones
escuchadas
entre noches
de desvelo
en mañanas
llenas de besos
y tantas cosas
dichas
que el viento se llevo

solo quisiera poder escribirle al pasado
para decirle

ya no te quiero
ya no te quiero sentir como parte de mi

como si en verdad hubiese
formado parte de mi historia

como is en verdad existió
cuando todos saben
fue solo un...
pequeño segundo de ansiedad

terminaría diciéndole

querido pasado
adios
atentamente
mi sincero presente

Bring It

Frozen in the glimpse of light

take a breath 

feel the blistering 

new day

cracking the comfort of the cover

keeping you safe

feel the pain it takes to get the strength 

to open your eyes

lets take the day 

bring it on new day

i am ready

to grasp all the possibilities

of you

me

everything

color me happy

color me new

here i am

see my hands

keep holding on

bring it on 

new

day

let me see

perhaps 

 agleam

surprise

could it be

my hearts desire

could it be 

your loud wishful

me 

you

them 

all 

of them in you

wrapped up

in tender hope

bring it on

little new day

Cansada

Todos los días
Está lleno de posibilidades
Nuevas
Comienzos
Inesperados

Pero el mal estar
No se aleja
Se roba mi aliento
Mis ganas de levantar
Mi mirada
Asia el nuevo caminar

Me resisto a caer
A dejar que la cama
Sea mi sentencia
Antes de bailar

Todo da vueltas
El dolor crece más
Me en vuelvo en miedo
De vomitar
Me desvelo con ansiedad
Por k el dolor puede mas

Cansada
Me grita mi alma
Déjame descansar
Y mi yo
Yo
No dejó
No puedo
Dejar de luchar

Por k esto es más de lo que puedo cargar
Pero aún tengo luz en mi mirada
A un existe en mi
Las ganas de vivir
Cansada
Mi alma

Mis piernas y mi voz
Cansada
Mi alma
Pero mi ser mío
Sigue vivo
Y quiere bailar !!!

Pretty pretty

Please please
Do look at me
Pretty pretty
Look at me
Please

Pretty pretty
Smile gently
Pretty pretty
Smile soft
Please please

Don't go away
Stay one more day
Pretty.pretty
Don't leave me yet
Please please take me away
You see
Pretty pretty
Don't break me
My heart
My dream
Don't let it slip away
Pretty pretty
The feeling inside

Oh dear love of mine
Pretty pretty
Stay with me

Snails

There was rained.
Today
So much rain
The fierce fall of teardrops

The snails didn't come out to play
How I missed them
Dancing on the pedals
Of my brain

Was it cold today
Was it lonely today
Or was there
So much more rings of sunlight
To bright
They decided to stay
Away

It rained today
Many teardrops

captured

Captured....
beyond the strength
the need the want
the right thing
 captured
what is the right thing anyway

my red lips are right for me
maybe not for you
red lips

captured
a glimpse of what if
hold you 
in my eyes
paying the words
in y head
like lyrics to a love song

captured
the moment
a brief  moment
captured
the truth
a blistering silence
of the truth

captured
mesmerized
of a story 
made up once in fairy tales
made millions
singing 
 about it
but not here we are

capture
me 
i may fall
this can be deadly

see it
why must this be a second chance
must this be a second time
second
not first 
the first place was once
won
now its 
a what if
too deadly

lets not play with fire
i have barely risen form the ashes

let this captivating 
memory
be left 
at a memory

let this be 
my red lips 
sealed

captured
in time
last time
let the time
travel like snails
yet free like butterflies

you see 
this happiness cant be 
captured
you just need to stay still
and wait

see this truth cant be captured
in the clock
the truth
can be measured in a ring

capture
this moment
in a picture
you see 
second is not necessarily
the best rest

capture the might of been
kiss it 
and set it free

inspire

buscandome

Nada párese estar en su lugar
el reflejo del espejo
tiene ausencia 
en la mirada
en la sonrisa

pero que es o que busco
el reflejo de quien era alguna vez
pero quien era

un niña jugando a mayor
un mujer tratando de ser
quien fui
a quien busco al espejo



a una mujer
vestida de una madre
a una madre vestida de mujer
a quien
 a la mujer 
imitando ya no ser una niña 
sonadora rebelde
intentando no sentir la soledad
al solo vivir 
por los demás
para no defraudar
corrigendo errores incorregibles del pasado

se an secado su flores
la cuales pone en un buro
para tener pedacitos
trocitos de una belleza
temporal
que se la lleva el tiempo
las lagrimas
dejando arrugas en su lugar

y escribe
escribo
para viajar
por el miedo
de romper 
el molde 
de lo normal
no me deja vivir

así que 
a quien busco
a esa imagen borrada
con tantas fobias
con tantos
tal vez
mañana
y ese mañana
nunca 
se deja ver por que
llegan 
citas de doctor
juegos y conciertos de los niños

las responsabilidades 
diarias de la casa
y  se van  así las tardes
las mañanas
y las noches
las noches son las mas eternas

donde el silencio
le abre la puerta al pensamiento
y es ahí donde
busco mas
a quien busco

a donde se me va el pensar
en que sueno
que es mi gran anhelo

desvarió
entre lienas de canciones
entre historias de libros
entre imajenes creadas por mi corazón

se llega la madrugada
y derrepente sale el sol

suena la alarma
escucho el gruñir 
del.. otro día mas


basta ver esos ojos
a quien busco
si todo lo que soy
todo lo que quiero
no todo lo que amo y necesito
esta envuelto
en estos ojos
en estas vocesitas
en estos bracitos
que me regalan amor 
incondicional

a quien busco
si cada que me siento perderme
aquí me encuentro

New December

It's blistering cold outside
It's the first day of December
Only 22 days
I will be 35

On my big 30
I remember. ..i was thanking God
I was done with chemo
I was looking foward to growing my hair
Getting my sense of taste and smell back to normal
I was beginning to look in the mirror again
After all those weeks and months of ...
Feeling lost in a bubble of
Toxins and fears

At my 30th birthday
All I could start to feel is
God must love me
I'm still here
I'm still alive

It's been almost five years
Here I am
What a journey
Now...this is now

How much have i changed
I wonder what this me would have done back then
They i see me
And know...
There's nothing I can change
From.back then
It ...was..as ..it should
So that I now
Can be
This me

If I go back and touch that's scar it is not
Because ...
Cancer ...surviving cancer
Defined who I am
No
I beleive that a survivor is someone that is able to control the out come of the tragedy occurring
I beleive that having cancer
And surviving it
Was not in my control
I have a job to do
Follow the orders of the doctor
Show up to chemo
Do everything in my power
not to allow my body to give up
But ultimately ...
My choice
To be alive
Was not mine
I beleive strongly
God...
He chose
He let me go through the fire
Held my hand
Gave me strength
And let me live

Therefore I do not label myself as a survivor
Yet ...i write
Yet I speak
Bcuz I was very blessed
But I have seen the fight
That has beat others
That is beating many

I write for them
For me
We must know
That there truly is hope
Cancer is not a synonym
Of death

I write
Because in my words
I wish
To bring comfort
Hope each words may be woven
With strings
That will reach
The hopeless
And create an Invisible rope
Strong enough
To hold on to.when the storm waters
Seem to drown