desierto

me perdí en un desierto
sin agua
sin comida
sin nada
me perdi

agotada de tanto llorar
por el miedo de no saber
donde estava
me tome mis lagrimas

y en ellas me embriague
asta desmayar
en mi desmayo
vole aun cielo
gris
donde me esperaba
una voz hermosa
parecía un angel
con su cabello suave

me robe su cabello y su voz
y los convertí en caracoles
para poder regresar
a mi mar

5 yrs and more

his face

did not match his voice

he smiled and said

my oh my you look the same

only you were 28 and now...

how do you feel

i said ..

not 28 that is for sure

he smiled and said 

i grew some grey

in my head all i could say is

why are you a familiar stranger to me

five years he said 

let keep going shall we

i smiled and said

are we on the right path

he smiled back and said

well my darling

the tumor markers are slightly high

no need to worry

you dont have signs of it being back

 

lets start the parade of test shall we

just to make sure

he then hugged me and said till next time

soon

i sat there

in the empty room

wondering

where was I 5 yrs ago

i really wanted 

to be starring into 

a window

of familiarity

hear some voice 

that comforted me

but instead of daydreaming

i started to change my hospital gown

to my own clothes

and as i did that

i stared at me

in the mirror

tears smeared my eyeliner

i grabbed my phone

to dial

and i realized

breathe

its going to be OK

wash your face and 

walk on out

except i kept running in my head

trying to find my way

back to me

it really did happen to me

no one knows

what this did to me

no ne would guess

that I am this now

because of it

no one

cares to know

except maybe you

who reads me 

you see

it was a nightmare

i am barely waking up from

i lost more than my breast my uterus my ovaries my hair

o lost me

and in the process of finding me

i lost you

life

learning to live

killed me a little bit 

remaking me 

is hard

become a new me after it

is hard

i wish you would see

the inside of my soul

I am not that anymore

all the mess that ripped all life in its path

I am not that

I am

silent now

i am peaceful now

i am kind

and i am real

i am truthful

and i am

clear

i am light weight

i am

 a person who has made so many mistakes

broken

fallen

trying so hard to be a better version each day

letting go of so many demons

and baggage 

learning to live right now

for a better five years to come

ciudad

como es la realidad
que la ciudad esta adornada
de recuerdos
de esa historia
cuanto tiempo
paso
todos son extraños
y busco una ausencia en estas caras

un hueco
abrasando el vació
con nombre y apellido

un miedo con sabor a tristeza
y una mentira que todo
estará bien

es la realidad
la ciudad tiene sabor
a experiencia

HISTORiAS

Las historias
existen
cuando se cuentan
cuando las escuchan
cuando las leen
cuando se viven

hay una sirena
perdida en la tierra
de bebe se confundieron
y le dieron lagrimas
para sobrevivir en su biberón
nació triste tal vez
pero ahora busca su hogar
el lindo mar
quiere sentirse libre
y desea el azul del mar
en la tierra
ella aparenta ser


se pierde en lo suenos
salados
se funde con la luz de la luna
y sobreviví
por existir
con la música del las olas de un mar imaginario
creando en su pequeño crystal
ilusiones

Las historias
son reales
cuando alguien ls cuenta
cuando alguien las escucha

VERDADES

silencio

cuando todos se alejan

cuando nadie me ve

silencio

no hay soledad

solo silencio

y un montón

de verdades expuestas

aquí

guardo silencio

y escucho

sin pensar en mentiras

solo estuve

y ahora ya no

aquí

hay solo paredes llenas de verdades

y lecciones fuertes

que matan lento

y a la vez

dan vida

funny memory

pills

surgery

diets

armor

alarms system

to protect us from dying

but life kills us slowly

a little bit each day

yesterday is a fog

funny thing

i remember a year ago

i remember fragrances from moons ago

an i remember feeling

form years ago

but cannot remember 

yesterdays lunch

funny thing about memory

it does not help to 

in the process of letting go

dear ocean

deep blue
could it take me to the sky
you have no ending
it has no beginning

how i long to feel you in my skin
in my lungs
how i dream
to slowly drown in you

i imagine
you
deep blue

hear you
calmly calling my name

slowly i walk in
feeling the coolness
of you deep blue

i emerge in you
you slowly take my breath away
finding your way into my lungs
then  my brain
and i slip away

into you
the deep blue
take me away
don't let me float
let me drown deeper
into the endless bottom
till i can emerge
in the high high blue
sky

gardenia

pale white gardenia

the steel of white 

profound endless count

of shimmer petals

gardenia

sweet smell of maybes

gardenia

drowned by the flooded yesterdays

scented glare

of almost goodbye

gardenia

covered on snails

Not...

the roads
the roads that seem to grow like thorns
in spiral of deadly poisoned roses
cover ups
cover up
hide aways
in lyrics
of painful deaths
and happy awakenings
like thundering water waves

forget me nots
like crystals in the sand
wiggle away the thought
don't let that
blind your sight

taste the bitterness
and drink it up
Hawaiian bliss
erase the memories
and never look back

pecesito

te confunde el mundo
por que no sabes convivir con esta humanidad
sabes
te confunde el aroma de la vida
por que no sabes
pequeña pica flor
lo que es en realidad vivir

tienes miedo a sentir
por que un día
fuiste tan feliz
que te robaron tu inocencia

te ,areas con las olas del va y ven
en tu cabecita
por que dudas de ti
por que no sabes a donde ir

no temas
solo brilla
como el roció de las flores
nada contra la corriente
como pecesito en el agua clara
y deja
que la vida te regale
sorpresas inesperadas

bonita

 díganme que no es bonita...
pues te dire
bonita la luz del amanecer
cuando el sol toca el mar delicadamente

bonita la risa de un bebe
bonita la sonrisa del amor
bonita ,,,
bonita la vida en tu mirada
bonita tu voz cuando me hablas
bonita ..

Humble bumble bug

buzz
buzz
here we go again
another day in paradise
7 am
wake up
look at it once again
just for kicks
buzz buzz
no reply
see it one more time
take in in
that happy lucky smile
see it once more
its better this way
click
turn it away
buzz buzz
its 12 noon
let check it again
no reply
oh please please darling just look at me
awww
humble bumble bug
think of me
buzz buzz
its 10 pm
time to call it a day
look at it once more
before you say goodnight
no change
life is good
just breathe
send that prayer
and close it shut
buzz buzz
its 3 am
open it again
any change
no
same old smile
humble bumble little bug
flying away each day
new gardens
new flowers
your forgotten not shut it down
and try to sleep
humble bumble bug
see you in my dreams

no te vayas

Tierno pensamiento
no te vayas
quédate en esta sonrisa
devuélveme un poco de vida
tierno pensamiento
dibújame una esperanza
llévame lejos de aquí
regalarme un suspiro
y quédate conmigo
tierno recuerdo
no te vayas

lonliness

I often whisper to the loneliness
i smile at it
saying
did you think i would be afraid of you
well look at me
embrace you with all your splendor
here you and i
as one
hello there my faithful companion
loneliness
lets share a thought ...

Sombras

De tras de la sombra
esta la deslumbrante luz
de mi alma al exterior

creo en un ser supremo
el cual
sin en
no seria you
aquí
en ti

veo y siento la brisa
de un nuevo día
rió
y lloro
tal como tu
pero yo

creo aun en
cuanto de Adas
y tu

words by me

Its taken my along time to write like this
from a place I know
Me
It took me so many great falls
and rivers of tears
and i am not done yet
writing
See
the whirlwind of angers and love and stolen memories
roads traveled
and seas drowned
you see what keeps me rising
are these ashes
i have never let go of
the warm loving dew on the roses
my morning egg sandwich
yes
that melts my heart every time
those tiny snails
that creep up out of nowhere
or yes
the red shinny stones i once thought were valued like rubies
ive never let go of the animals in my heart
those who make me love me
exactly for who I am
I keep dreaming of fairy tales
filled with balloons like strangers in the night

I keep on
because i hold it all
yes indeed
all
you may not understand me
you cant see through me
but right now right here
its finally silent
there is no one here
but me
the things i hold dear
and a whole world of nothing
yet
i am who i am
not who you say i am
but who i know
im here
waiting for the final
words to be written
by only me
it took me several years to return
this my own hell
the inside of me
to meet you
my GOD

Tardé

Tatiana
Llegaste tardé a mi Vida
Le dijo Superman

Pero no te preocupes
Todo se rompe en la,distancia

No se que voy aser con esta libertad

Millones de dias an pasado ya
Ya no eres una niña
Te cansaste de esperar
Ahora llevas en tu mano
Un anillo

Que buscas en un super héroe
Si ya tus labios lo an dicho

Estás enamorada
Esta tu felicidad
Vamos Tatiana
No vuelvas a besarme como
Lo hisiste Ayer

Gritale a las estrellas
Que se detengan
Que vayan lento
Como los,caracoles

Ya es muy tarde
Dime a dios
Vete ahora
Te espera la felicidad
Fría y blanca
Pero...tu ya

Sergio...

Hola solo llamaba
Para decirte
Que ...

Se me quemó el sandwich de huevo con queso del desayuno
Y no podré ir a tu fiesta de cumpleaños
Por k sabes
Llegaron....

Mil recuerdos a mi sala
Como la,visita en París

Tu me quieres lastimar
Por eso no llamas a mi casa
Y no me dices
Como estas

Te mando a saludar
Paloma Faith
Y un ramo de rosas amarillas
Tus preferidas

Aliado..

Enemigo
Aliado
El,tiempo
Cmbiando finales de historia

Aliado
El,tiempo
A cambiar el,rumbo del destino

El tiempo
Que corre
Sin importale
A quien hiere
En el remolino del olvido

Aliado
A convertir todo
En nada

Enemigo
Al que se mantiene atado al recuerdo

Trip oh tears and falls

Trip once again
Or maybe skip
It away

Tears wipe them down
With silence and whispers

Fall again so you can gain
The trip
Fall
Oh tears
And falls

Its the cycle
Of the,sweet escape
Under
A,rock
Trip
Fall
Tears

Silence....bliss

Hello silence
I can,hear you whisper
My my indeed
Love looks good
On that sparkle in her eyes
The radince in her smile

My my stay quiet my dear
Silence is bliss