I am usually just a poem
The words dance in my head until they burst out in a small story
but today
I wish just to talk
lets talk about
me
yes me
on how this new journey to self love has been the hardest journeys of them all
cancer was a bliss compared to this
I was able to survive cancer by the grace of God
oh yes I am a believer
but this journey is a battle within a battle
its hard to try not to day dream of a happy ending
its hard to imagine not trying to feel loved or fall in love
love moves mountains
jajajaj cliché
love moves the world
jajaj
screaming out of the top of my lungs
really
love ??
well I am always going to be a hopeless romantic I am after all a writer
a walking poem
jajaja but indeed
this love I am now on is much deeper than the love in fairy tales
the love in books and movies
the happy ever after love you wish to find in a significant other
this love is much greater than that
its the love of all loves
the one that really does power everything else
this love
is hard to find most of the time
it is not always taught or hardly ever spoken about
this love my love is power
first I believe besides this love
besides Gods love
this love I am about to give it my all to find is truly power
its called self love
yes boring isn't it
loving yourself
is key to everything
the hard part is
hwo do you do it
how does one love themselves before loving anyone else
see that's the trick
that's where I am beginning
I cant say step by step how to start
you just do
I began one day by looking in the mirror
trying to recognize who was starring at me
I began to say
if only I was more skinnier
if only I had long hair
if only I had real boobs
but then one day as I ran my hands through my face
I noticed
I was starting to see wrinkles then I said where did my life go
then I realized it was all there in those eyes starring back at me
so I said if I was a stranger and I met this reflection in the mirror would I fall in love at first sight
and the answer was NO
but then I asked why not
I am funny and I am smart and I love animals and I do have a kind heart why wouldn't I fall in love
and then that's where it started
the why don't I love my self
the answers were ...
horrific
if the one human that was suppose to love me failed me I am worth nothing
my mother chose to forget me and not love me
and as quickly as that answer came that's how quickly I dropped to my knees and cried
cried for hours or maybe days
when I was all cried out I said
why does happiness or love depend on another human being
if we came alone we are leaving alone
so lets get up and start forgiving
each day id find something one thing to love about me
most days I couldn't do it
but I am now at three things I love about me
three physical and three real ones
I love my eyes
I love that my hair is finally back
and I love my hands they help e to work jajaja
mostly I love my resilience
I love my caring heart that always worries about others feelings
I love that I have learned to value honesty
loyalty and I am learning to let go of the one thing that will never ever come back again
the past
OK SO all this is a work in progress but
I'm getting there
Explore self love ....
you owe it to yourself to be completely loved !!
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